Blind
by KourtTears
Summary: They don’t see how she loves the fight, how she craves it, how she has to have it.


A/N: I just found this story hidden away in my old archives and I thought I should finally post it. I've gone back, revised it, and had my friend beta it and here it is. I hope you like it. Oh yeah, and PLEASE review. I want to know how bad I did...thanks ever so much.

Dedicated to laguimauvejoufflue who is the most awesome beta person ever.

March 12, 1999

_From the Desk of Marco_

Xena: Warrior Princess. That is perfect description for my ass kicking, adrenaline addicted teammate. Well, except she is a blond goddess obsessed with her looks. Actually, I don't think obsession even begins to cover how much she loves looking like a princess. She gets a high from commanding everyone's attention simply by walking into a room.

She's more than just a pretty face and an awesome body ...so much more. Elegant, strong, intelligent, sarcastic...utterly perfect. Well that's how I see her. The others don't see that; they only see her as reckless (ruthless at times), too ready to fight. When they see that side of her at all that is. In fact, they only see what they want to see: the beauty queen. They don't see how she loves the fight, how she craves it, how she _has _to have it. No, they don't see that side of her...that is unless they need it...

Jake, her cousin, sees her as a fighter only when he wants to use her ability for a mission . Cassie, her best friend, only sees the warrior side of Rachel when she's in trouble and needs Rachel to save her...if Jake doesn't rescue her first. Those two just need to admit their feelings, and try to work out their problems. They'd be much happier if they did.

Anyway, they only see the fighter side of Rachel when they want to see her, and even then they separate the fighter and the Rachel they know, think they know anyway. They can't have the fighter and the prom queen at the same time; it would mess up their neat little world. It's too bad they don't understand that by keeping their lives in nice little compartments, they throw Rachel's into a big mess.

Of course we can't forget the other members of our team. If Jake and Cassie only see the 'normal' side of Rachel then Ax only sees the 'ass-kicking, die-slugs-die' side of Rachel. He sees the fighter, but he doesn't see the other side of her: the Beauty Queen. Maybe it's because he rarely sees her unless we are gearing up for a mission. Don't get me wrong they're friends, we've all been through too much together to not be friends, but they don't hang out...probably has to do with the whole alien male - human female thing. It's hard enough to understand females period, add in the whole different species thing and it gets really complicated.

Not even Tobias, the so-called love of her life¾wanna be soul mate¾ can see all the aspects of her. To him Rachel is defined as 'girl-with-no-flaws'. He sees her Miss America persona _and_ her Xena persona, but he doesn't _really_ see her. He doesn't see the real her...he sees, like all the others, what he wants to see. No, he doesn't see the mistakes she makes, the restlessness she feels when it has been too long between battles, the pain she experiences when they tell her that she is starting to cross the line.

Maybe I should say they don't see what they _want _to see, but they see what they _need_ to see. Because if they see _all _of her, _all _the time, then the fight is real...the war is real. It's not just something they do when they do every now and then. No, if they see all of her, then the war is all around them...it has the power to change them. That's what they think anyway. That if Rachel has gone from High School Beauty to Xena then the war could change them too. That's what they believe anyway...they don't see that Rachel was like this before. Before the morphing, before the yeerks, before the battles.

There is something else they don't see, though. They don't see how Rachel second guesses herself after every battle; how she criticizes herself because she thinks she fast enough, or because she wasn't strong enough. They don't see that she is afraid, not only of losing them, but of losing herself. She's so scared that she is going to lose herself in the morphing and fighting, and that she won't be able to get herself out. Simply put she's afraid of dying. Who would have thought it? Rachel afraid of dying, of death, _her death_. Certainly not them, they don't think Rachel fears anything, it doesn't go with their view of her. If Rachel is afraid, of anything, then that means they don't have anyone to do the 'crazy/reckless things' that will probably save all of their lives. So they just ignore this truth about Rachel, along with all the other things they don't wantto see, and they hope that it won't come up.

How sad is it that, out of every one, it's me that sees Rachel for what she is? I've been watching her for so long It's almost like I've always watched her. Of course they don't see that either. I'm really starting to think my friends are blind.

I wonder how they would rationalize it if they knew Rachel comes to my room every night after a mission. That she comes to me to help her forget what she did; that she comes to me so she can feel. I wonder how they would rationalize it if they knew that I'm the one she kisses, the one she touches and holds; that it's my name she cries out. That its me she trusts not to hurt her. _Only me._

I hold her in my arms after, and I let her cry. I let her talk about everything, from the everyday stuff to the stuff that would make the others shudder if they heard it. It's kind of sad that out of all her friends it's me that sees her for what she truly is, me that helps her stay sane, me that helps her hold on to her humanity.

No, the sad thing is that they don't see it; the brief looks, the brief touches, the real meaning behind all our fights. The sad thing is that they don't look at her long enough to see it. Sometimes I pity them for not seeing what an amazing person she is, but mostly, I'm grateful that I'm not in the dark like them, that I get the chance to see all of her. To love all of her.

A/N 2: Sorry ya'll, I forgot to put in that I've upped the Animorphs ages. Since I can't really remember how old they were when the series ended, for the purpose of my story I've decided to make them 17. So they are a little bit older for the content of this stories and the stories that I'm working on right now. Please Review. Thanks...


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